Descent Into The Night Club Scene

I'm not sure just yet, but it appears as if Cryptic has fixed whatever issue was making the launcher fail to load every time and I can play the game again! Either that or one of my random little computer tweaks somehow made the stars align just right so that it would work again. Either way! Where were we?


A superhero nightclub, eh? Well that's a uniquely Millennium City bit of nightlife culture. I decide to go check it out.


... Maybe I'm a bit underdressed for this.

I head back to the tailor standing all of thirty feet behind me to see if I can't get some clubwear. The tailor's selection is amazing! She's got full suits, ties, vests, formalwear, businesswear, business casual, etcetera... there's clothing here for every occasion...!

... I realize about halfway through picking out an outfit that I really only have enough money for a new shirt or new pants.

Considering that my current pants are the same shredded pair of jeans that ice demons have gnawed on, mutants have microwaved, a building has collapsed on top of, and have been within a quarter mile of a nuclear explosion, I figure that they won't really go with any new shirts I could pick out and opt for a new pair of pants and some actual shoes instead. I don't really get cold since I turned into metal anyway.

Avoiding the eyes of the customer behind me, who would just happen to be the best dressed man in Millennium City and seems visibly offended by my very presence, I wander back over to the nightclub, hoping that the bouncers will let me in as I'm in half compliance with the shoes and shirts required rule.


SUCCESS!

So I'm standing in an intentionally dimly lit hallway leading up to a large poster of the same woman whose picture appears above the door, presumably Caprice herself. The hallway seems to branch in two directions, one towards a lounge and one towards a dance floor.


Well, I'm here, might as well check out both!
Club Caprice has two main areas, a crimson-colored lounge with a fountain, and a large dance floor with two bars. There's a significant aesthetic difference between the two, but mechanically, neither one has anything special going on. Both exist primarily as empty spaces in which players can interact with each other, and both contain a smattering of NPC characters who will talk amongst themselves or dance, depending on the room.


There's really nothing to do in either room except talk with other players, which can be fairly entertaining or entirely dull depending on the night. Sometimes there are friendly people around who want to get into an in-character conversation for the diversion, and sometimes there are a bunch of people standing around mostly silent or small groups of friends talking amongst themselves and largely ignoring the room. In my experience, most of the time it's the latter. And of course, if you show up as a female, more people will talk to you, but that's kinda just weird. ... So, in other words, they've done a nearly perfect job of recreating the experience of going to a bar or dance club by yourself in real life. Nicely done, Cryptic!


Well evidently being made out of metal doesn't make it any easier to make friends at a nightclub than before, or at least not a nightclub that caters specifically to superheroes. I have a few drinks and wind up dancing a while on the dance floor near some other folks, but I start feeling awkward and leave after a little bit. I might have better luck in a club where a living statue is the most interesting thing to walk in in a given half-hour period, but this is not that place.

Alright, back out into the fresh air. The night's still young, after all, and there's no reason to spend it all being awkward in the corner of some dance club. Besides, I keep thinking there was something I was supposed to do.

... Oh, right. Save the world from dastardly park strollers.

I suppose I'm all out of excuses to procrastinate this any longer. Time to go be obnoxious to some guys that haven't done anything yet, I guess.

UP NEXT: This superhero thing is a walk in the park.

On Original Character Concepts: The Cautionary Tale Of Sunspot

On the other hand, there are those rare characters that you think are a totally original concept but which are, entirely unbeknownst to you, actually a complete ripoff of something else. Next to "but it's an homage!" ignorance is probably the single most common excuse for blatant imitations of existing characters, and it seems like nobody ever believes the artist/writer/gamer in question, as the odds against somebody just coincidentally coming up with the exact same idea as an established creator are so very high.

Me, I think it's perfectly likely, at least to a point. As I mentioned a few days ago, there are at least three characters out there named Ironclad, all of whom are super strong, super durable guys coated in or made out of metal. As the name, originally a class of warship, quite self-evidently means "covered in iron" it's a really intuitive name for a character who's covered in metal and difficult to hurt, which in turn is a fairly basic concept that one could arrive at whether or not they were familiar with other characters that already used said concept. Therefore, if somebody came along and made a character named Ironclad who was super strong and made out of metal, I wouldn't automatically assume that they were copying the Ironclad who appears in Champions Online, for example. A super strong metallic character named Ironclad who was an alien gladiator? Still totally plausible, alien gladiatorial arena's a pretty common trope. A super strong metallic character named Ironclad who was an alien gladiator and got his abilities in an alien lab explosion, escaped, became a gladiator on an entirely different planet, escaped, and crash landed on Earth? Well, okay, that's suspicious, but you see what I mean.

Take me for example. I was making up a character for the Champions Online beta a good two years ago at this point and was sort of brainstorming backgrounds and ideas. It's pretty easy to make a character and just go, but I have this compulsive need to come up with at least a brief backstory or concept to go along with them, if for no other reason than I keep thinking I'm going to make comics someday and I might want to use them, or something.

I thought a solar-powered superhero was a neat idea. Granted, it's been done already; the most famous and arguably the first superhero ever gets his powers from the Earth's yellow sun. And farbeit for me to criticize anything about Superman, but super strength, speed, and invulnerability just didn't seem to be that thematically linked to the sun, to me. Heatvision did, but that was about it. I figured a solar-powered superhero would have more heat or energy related abilities, like the ability to get really hot and melt through things or breathe fire or make things glow or something. And, of course, fly, because any kind of energy projection could be used to propel oneself, and in comic book physics generating sufficient propulsion to beat gravity is only marginally harder than generating enough friction to create heat.

So I had this idea for a character who really only had one ability, to absorb and release sunlight and other ambient energy sources, but which could be used in a number of ways. He'd be jet black from head to foot, not because of a costume but because his skin absorbs all light that touches it, but would look otherwise normal. And instead of food, he'd subsist entirely on photosynthesis, absorbing sunlight all day long and getting some meager sustenance from starlight and indoor lighting at night.

Via some possibly nonexistent science that I don't know and am unwilling to research, he would get energy from the light and radiation of the sun, but would have heat left over as waste, like people suck all the nutrients out of food to turn it into poop. So for a set amount of time each day, he'd have to bleed off that excess junk energy, either by making his skin incredibly hot or by expelling it in a directed blast through his eyes or mouth. Again, via completely made-up science, this would in effect give him a force field (as energy attacks would be absorbed and incoming projectiles would simply vaporize within 0.1 inches of his ludicrously hot skin, see) and laser-esque eyebeams, as well as the occasional ability to breathe fire, melt through things, or fly by shooting jet blasts out behind him or some such. All of which would serve the approximate equivalent biological function of using the bathroom. Brilliant! Thought I.

I figured, as absorbing light takes the place of breathing as well, he'd spend a lot of time in space where there's nothing between him and the sunlight he's absorbing and where he'd be completely invisible if not between the viewer and a star or lighted object, and it would simply be assumed that that's where he was whenever I logged off. If he were to ever have comic adventures or a really in-depth backstory, he'd be doing zany intergalactic explorey things like the Silver Surfer, since he'd be a perfectly efficient engine with an unlimited fuel supply and no practical speed limit, and cosmic radiation and lasers and the like would only feed him. But, all this and he could still be decked by a good punch to the temple, provided he didn't have time to see it coming and raise his heat-shield, of course.

So, I thought this was a really good idea. I went into the character creator and made this, which was pretty much what I had in mind, making the last-minute decision to have his eyes glow, since they were the aperture he'd be shooting his eyebeams through and it would help to give him something at least approaching a face. His mouth would glow too, I figured, if I ever drew him, though there was no option for that in the character creator. But that would at least help to give him an expressive face, and probably make him quite a bit easier to draw in the first place.

Sure, he LOOKED a little evil, but I figured that could just be a part of his story too, that he was all persecuted at first by the general mutant-hating populace who assumed he was a villain just 'cuz of weird cultural prejudices against black costumes and glowing eyes. He wouldn't really have a secret identity because he couldn't ever turn it off, and he wouldn't need a day job or anything because all of his physical needs could be taken care of with eight hours of sunbathing a day. What a great concept, thought I.

The only question was what to name him. I cycled through the obvious ones but didn't like them: Solarman? Sunboy? Solar Shadow? Dark Sun? Darkstar?

I thought of the name Sunspot while I was looking up some of the half-understood science behind his abilities. I wanted it to have something to do with the science of Black Bodies, which not only physically describe him perfectly but seem to be exactly what I was thinking of when I came up with his powers. From Wikipedia: "A black body is an idealized physical body that absorbs all incident electromagnetic radiation. Because of this perfect absorptivity at all wavelengths, a black body is also the best possible emitter of thermal radiation." I mean, that's exactly what I was thinking of, innit?

Well, a quick google search for the term brought up a fair amount of porn, but also the wikipedia article on sunspots, which mentions the black body as part of an explanation for the clear visibility of sunspots as black spots on the sun. That, I thought, was a perfect name, not to mention a really cool phenomenon.

Now, when I hear the term Sunspot, I think of this:


Which is a perfect name for a jet-black solar-based superhero. Sunspot it is, I thought.

So, I name him, choose his powers (Fire and Flight, fits perfectly) and run around as him for maybe twenty minutes before somebody asks if I was the Sunspot from X-Men.

Turns out, there's already a character named Sunspot. Not just that, but he absorbs all of his powers from the sun. Which makes him jet black. Except for his eyes and his mouth.

When I saw the pictures of him, I did remember a jet black character from way back when in an issue of X-Terminators (see him on the right?) that I read when I was about five, but he was just a super strong guy who flew around and was always surrounded by little black bubbles that didn't have anything obvious to do with the sun. Turns out it's the same character, except now they've given him solar blasts which make him pretty much the exact same concept as mine, the main difference being that he can turn back and forth into a regular person and has flying brick powers in addition to the solar blasts. Different, but alas, not really different enough to justify keeping mine around, so away he went.

BUT, I'm happy that a character of mine made it into mainstream comics. By, like, you know. Having been invented by somebody else twenty years before I came up with him.

Point is, give the benefit of the doubt to someone you think is copying something else who insists they don't know what you're talking about. AND. You should always Google your supposedly original concepts before spending too much time on them.

On Original Character Concepts: The Evolution Of Iron Will

Aforementioned technical difficulties remain unresolved. Fortunately, I have enough random screenshots and unrelated images lying around to entertain myself, and possibly you, too!

So a lot of people... and by "a lot of" I mean "two"... have asked me where the idea for Iron Will came from, if he was a Colossus analog or if he was supposed to be the Silver Surfer or what?

The apparently long-awaited answer is: neither! I've had the basic idea for Iron Will for years, but the main inspiration for his look originally came from the Incredible Hulk video game, in which the player, as the titular character, jumps around Manhattan busting through concrete and punching cars around to one end or another. For a based-on-the-movie game, it's actually pretty good, especially considering I picked it up used for about four dollars.

Anyway, during the course of the game you fight quite a few enemies, among them a quartet of evildoers more or less equivalent to the Fantastic Four known as the U-Foes. One of them is a big bruiser type with the approximate dimensions of The Hulk whose name I didn't know at the time, and after you beat them (or fulfill some other obscure requirements, I don't remember exactly) you can unlock him as a skin for the Hulk and run around town busting through skyscrapers as a big chrome ogre rather than a big fleshy green ogre. Now, I love the Hulk... gimmicky alternate forms and multiple personalities notwithstanding... but something about running around breaking through buildings as a solid metal guy just felt better. To me, it was more intuitive; of COURSE he can run right through concrete, he's made out of harder stuff. It just looked better.

So really, this guy is the primary inspiration for Iron Will, or at least for his appearance. I didn't know anything about the character himself or his backstory or anything like that until a good while later, having assumed he was simply a throwaway bad guy designed for the video game rather than a character in the larger Marvel universe.

As it turns out, his name is Ironclad. No relation.

The main difference is, I never really intended to make a brute so much as a normal (ish) guy who had been transformed, so the proportions are totally different. And of course, ol' Iron Will doesn't have an Iron Costume or any of the involved accessories. His transformation didn't magically extend to his underwear.

So, the look of Iron Will is basically this guy, slimmed down, with clothes on. Not an entirely original visual concept, admittedly, but metallic characters are a well-used trope, and I couldn't come up with anything that was entirely original without going completely random or goofy.

And, as it turned out, somebody else had had nearly the exact same idea at some point and made another Ironclad that was much more like the design for Iron Will anyway:


Also from Marvel and also named Ironclad, this Ironclad was slimmed down, given clothes, and more or less the exact same visual concept as Iron Will except with metallic hair. If I'd known about him a year ago I probably would have scrapped the Iron Will idea altogether and gone with something else entirely, but I didn't, and I like mine better, so he stays.

Like Colossus, this Ironclad changed back and forth from a human to a metal form. I'd never heard of this guy before, but that was always something that bugged me, if just a little, about Colossus. I've always been a fan of the X-Men, see, owing largely to the 90's cartoon when I was in elementary school, and I always thought that the most compelling characters were the ones whose mutations were significant hindrances as well as advantages.

Most of the characters go on and on about how difficult it is to be a mutant, but few of the characters demonstrate it. Wolverine, for example, heals incredibly quickly, which may SOUND like an advantage in life, but on the downside he's also really strong and has an enhanced sense of smell. Storm, on the other hand, can control the goddamn weather, which might seem like nothing but a huge benefit at first, but you have to keep in mind that she's also really really attractive. Sure, Iceman can generate armor, control cold, and build potentially unlimited constructs out of ice, but when he's not covered in ice he's merely a regular person of exceptional physical fitness who can blend in with normal people anywhere.

Nah, my favorites were the disadvantaged ones like Beast, Rogue, or the under-appreciated Cyclops. You get strength and agility but you don't ever look human again, or the ability to steal other characters powers but never touch another human being, or Superman-esque eyebeams which carry the significant hindrance of never being able to look at anything with the naked eye without destroying it. Those were the interesting ones.

Long story short, I thought Colossus would have been a much more interesting character if he couldn't just drop his mutant form with all it's advantages and disadvantages whenever it was convenient and go back to being a regular human being. Like so many of Xavier's students, why a man whose unusual powers didn't come with any downsides had any need of instruction at a special school for mutants is beyond me.

Anyway, I made up a character in my head that was a super-strong, nigh-invulnerable human made out of fluid metal, but who could never turn back, and would need to hide himself when not among friends. To make him at least a little different, I'd originally conceived him as having normal tissues but invincible liquid gold blood that would tint his skin and make him invulnerable to any damage more than skin deep, but leave him feeling as soft and flexible as a regular person. I later tossed that idea when it occurred to me that non-rigid golden blood wouldn't protect his other tissues at all and that he would probably die just as fast from golden internal bleeding as regular. I usually pictured a blond guy with golden skin, more or less like the male Oracle from "Angel".


At the time, his name was "Golden Rod". I thought this was hilarious, but when I got a bit older I realized how few people are named Rodney these days and how much more likely it was that people would assume it was a dick joke.

I didn't give it a whole lot of thought, and it's not real similar to what I eventually wound up going with, but hey, I was maybe twelve. I also figured that he would be able to go outside in the daytime by wearing sweatshirts with hoods and that nobody would notice that he wasn't normal. The concept's come a long way since then... although, if we're being honest, there isn't all that much to Iron Will beyond "basically a nice guy who gets turned into metal" so I suppose I can't really say it's come a long way so much as that it's simply changed a lot.

Long story short, he has nothing to do with the Silver Surfer. He doesn't even look much like the comic version, which is what I think of when I hear the name, but the version from the movies does bear an admittedly close resemblance.


















... You'll just have to take my word for it.

Technical difficulties

Now, I have a fair amount of respect for Cryptic. They've put out some really good games, own the rights to some really serious franchises, and have pretty dedicated gaming communities investing a lot of time in their games. They still tend to be trailing competitors in MMO popularity and population, though, and I think one of the reasons why is that their tech support is frankly horrible.

Their recent patch has made the game quite unplayable for a number of users, myself among them, for about a week and a half due to a series of errors that prevent the launcher from loading, and despite a sizeable outcry on the forums, they've yet to resolve or even acknowledge this issue.

Their patches tend to come in pairs: there'll be a big one introducing some new feature or item, and then a few days later another one to repair all the glaring problems that the first one caused, but this is a more severe problem than most in the past have been, and it's taking them a long while to fix it.

Anyway, I haven't been on Champions for a while, but I assure you that this blog is still active. Just currently experiencing some technical difficulties.

Meanwhile, I've made an entry for Iron Will over on the Primus Database. The Primus Database is a fun little wiki for in-game heroes and villains that I forgot existed. A quick browse-through gives a pretty good impression of some of the more active members of Champions RP-community, and it's a pretty good read, personal opinion.

Second Intermission

Well three weeks is a long time to not update a blog that doesn't even require the author to go outside for research, but I've been annoyingly busy with various steps in the grad school application process and trying to find a new job. So in lieu of Iron Will's awkward evening in the RP nightclub with the vampire kids, here's another (shortened) super heroing test for yawl. Instead of The Centurion, your proctor this time around is the one and only Cyberman, assisted in some demonstrations by our good friend Buzz Kill.

Though he shares more or less the same color scheme and placement with the Centurion, Cyberman is a completely separate character dating back to 2nd grade, created as half of a duo consisting of Cyberman and his brother Roboman, who were alternately cyborgs or guys in robot suits depending on whether we'd more recently watched Robocop or an episode of Iron Man. Walking around in slow motion making metallic noises and pointing at things we'd imagine blowing up was a pretty easy game to play when the ball courts or other choicest bits of playground real estate were claimed. Originally conceived on paper as a lopsided guy in a black metal suit with bright orange oblongs for feet and hands, an orange sphere for a head with a black rectangle for eyes, and an orange chest thing that could have been a bra or a vest or a piece of metal, he actually looks pretty darn good in Champions if I do say so myself. Once I discovered that most of the powers I'd ascribed to him in grade school (aside from telescoping limbs, tragically) were selectable powers in Champions, I kinda had to.

Unlike the Centurion, who's an all around heroic guy, Cyberman's more of a mercenary. For varying pay rates, he'll fix your computer, repair your car, or destroy fully armed military targets. Whether the path of a power-armored mercenary is for you can be determined via this short quiz.




CYBERMAN'S GUIDE TO MEASURED RESPONSE

The world of private military, security, and law enforcement contracting is as complex as it is dangerous. Contrary to what you may have heard elsewhere, not every situation can be solved with the same simple solution. When encountering hostile situations in the field, your response must be measured and effective, tailored to the specific situation you find yourself in to deliver maximum results with minimum expenditure of resources and time.

Unless of course you're being paid by the hour and charging for all materials expended, which I always am, and this guide presupposes you are as well.





SCENARIO:

An attractive young woman needs to make her way through an abandoned mine and fears that there may be dangers along the way. She does not offer payment and does not appear to have any valuables to negotiate with. Should you...

A. Offer your services as bodyguard free of charge?
B. Attempt to negotiate a payment plan that can be enacted later before guiding her through the mine, leaving if she does not accept?
C. Accompany her halfway through the mine, and then name your price for accompanying her the rest of the way or back out?















Answer: A
Never underestimate the power of good press and word-of-mouth advertising. Also note that the civilian is specified to be an attractive young woman.



SCENARIO:

A plain-looking older woman needs to make her way through an abandoned mine and fears that there may be dangers along the way. She does not offer payment and does not appear to have any valuables to negotiate with. Should you...

A. Offer your services as bodyguard free of charge?
B. Attempt to negotiate a payment plan that can be enacted later before guiding her through the mine, leaving if she does not accept?
C. Accompany her halfway through the mine, and then name your price for accompanying her the rest of the way or back out?















Answer: B
Psh.



SCENARIO:

During a routine sewer sweep, you are attacked by a large man wielding a pair handguns that appear to fire .44 caliber ammunition. Your armor is more than capable of shrugging off small arms fire without damage. The best tool for bringing down this opponent with minimal force is...

A. Your standard issue rechargeable nonlethal electroshock stun gun.
B. Unarmed hand-to-hand takedown procedures.
C. Maintained fire from your 6000-round-per-minute multi-barrel Gatling-style heavy rotary cannon.
















Answer: C
Getting sued is a pain.


SCENARIO:

You happen upon two members of a known street gang who approach you aggressively. It is too dark to see clearly without the night vision apparatus in your helmet, and neither man appears to recognize that you are armed. Both men are unarmed and appear prepared to strike you with their bare hands, which will result in no damage to you or your armor whatsoever. The best tactic for this situation is...

A. Announcing that you are armed and will fire upon them if they continue to approach.
B. Putting up your hands and backing away slowly.
C. Twin high-powered particle beams impacting directly with an unarmored sternum at close range.















Answer: C
Time is money.



SCENARIO:

While on a fact-finding mission you are confronted by an opponent armed with a combat knife. You respond with...

A. Your bare hands. Your armor is designed to shrug off tank rounds and will not be compromised by a combat knife.
B. Your own standard-issue combat knife. Let's see who's better.
C. A goddamn chainsaw.















Answer: C
There's never a bad situation for the chainsaw.



SCENARIO:

Your team has cleared most of a building, but the last room is sealed off by a thick wooden door that has been locked from the other side. The blueprints of the building show no other way in and no ventilation ducts wide enough for a person to fit through. The best tool for getting through the door would be...

A. The automatic lock-pick gun in your glove.
B. A portable piston-powered battering ram specifically designed for effective door breaching.
C. A laser-guided anti-aircraft mini missile.















Answer: C
It's much easier to overcharge for an experimental missile than a broken lock pick.



SCENARIO:

You are charged by a mutant creature of unknown origin. Though you have tagged it with several shots already, it manages to make it within melee range without falling. Do you...

A. Just keep shooting it, it'll die eventually.
B. Attempt to sidestep it's charge.
C. Flee.















Answer: A
If brute force doesn't work, the answer is usually more brute force.



SCENARIO:

A job for a client specializing in the occult has put you into direct conflict with an unidentified fire-breathing hostile of unknown demonic origin which has managed to ignite your armor. Do you:

A. Ignore it and shoot the damn thing with a minigun.
B. Put some distance between you and your attacker and try to extinguish the flames.
C. Retreat. Magic and demons aren't the sorts of problems you can solve with guns.















Answer: A
Welcome to the 21st century, jerk.



SCENARIO:

While sabotaging an illegal weapons manufacturer, you encounter half a dozen members of a paramilitary group who engage you in a firefight. Afterwards, all combatants have been neutralized and their commanding officer is out of bullets, though he had been firing upon you previously. Do you...

A. Take the commanding officer into custody.
B. Let him go, as he is no longer any threat and cannot prevent your destroying the weapons, which are your actual target.
C. Chainsaw him through the solar plexus.















Answer: C
Dude just tried to shoot you!



SCENARIO:

You are in a firefight with a well-trained opponent armed with a machine gun. Your opponent has taken cover behind a stack of metal crates that appear capable of repelling your small arms fire. Do you...

A. Wait until he reappears to take a shot and then resume firing?
B. Destroy the entire area with a missile?
C. Attempt to negotiate his surrender verbally?















Answer: B
Better safe than mildly inconvenienced.



SCENARIO:

You have tracked down the leader of a cult which utilizes magic and other supernatural abilities. When you confront him, he begins a chant in a language you do not recognize. Do you...

A. Restrain him and gag him so that he can't complete what may be a dangerous spell?
B. Utilize your helmet computer's on-board translation program and attempt to decipher what he's saying?
C. Chainsaw in the gut.















Answer: C
God, I love this thing.



SCENARIO:

A hostile organization that you need to infiltrate is employing a small army of remote-controlled attack drones as a security force, each equipped with laser weapons but little in the way of armor. The mainframe which controls their behavior is located inside the very facility that they're guarding. You deal with them by...

A. Attacking them with your superior armor and firepower, charging your employer for the combat pay and the munitions expended in the fight.
B. Blasting through the roof and disabling them remotely by hacking into their mainframe, avoiding the unnecessary fight.
C. Blasting through the roof and disabling them remotely by hacking into their mainframe, then charging your employer for combat pay and the munitions that would have been expended in the fight.















Answer: C
Now you're getting it.






This concludes our evaluation. Results are available for a nominal consulting fee of $200.












Thanks to Buzz Kill for his help with several of the missions pictured.

Hero Games: The Zombie Apocalypse

When last we left our hero, he had been thoroughly Held and beaten in the famous Hero Games Cage Match. After such a crushing defeat, where will our ferrous fighter go next?


Alright, so, ow. Maybe cage matches aren't really my thing. Excuse me, maybe they aren't really El Fierro's thing. I feel kind of bad for him; it must be embarrassing to get beaten that badly. Not that I'd know. But there's still one more option at the Hero Games: the mysteriously titled "Zombie Apocalypse". With a fair amount of hesitation, I cross my fingers and sign up for that one.


The Zombie Apocalypse Hero Game used to be one of my favorite parts of the game before they patched it to kill everyone right away. It is my enduring hope that they'll someday repair it.

In Zombie Apocalypse, everybody is put into a cabin full of civilian survivors with the goal of going outside and defending them from an incoming zombie horde, except for one player chosen at random who starts out as a zombie. There is no difference mechanically between your normal character and your character as a zombie, except you'll be given one of about half a dozen random zombie "costumes" to distinguish yourself from the living players. This, for example, is how Iron Will looked when he started on the zombie side.


He certainly looks like a zombie superhero, doesn't look much like a zombie Iron Will. Understandable, as there are so many options available in the costume creator that trying to make some kinda automatic "zombification" costume change for each individual character would probably look ridiculous more often than cool. Anyway, as a zombie, your goal is pretty simple: make your way to the cabin and try to kill all of the other players. It seems fairly difficult at first, as you're outnumbered at the beginning except for hordes of simplistic zombie NPCs that you fairly obviously stand out from. But, each survivor that you kill revives as another zombie hero on your side. The very beginning is the toughest part as a zombie, but it's easier to take one out when there're two of you, and easier with three. Eventually, the balance shifts entirely, unless the survivors really have their act together and manage to take you out over and over again before you can get even one of them. If the survivors last for a full fifteen minutes (or possibly twenty... I don't recall exactly) and stay within a certain radius of the cabin, they win. It happens (or used to happen) from time to time, and since Iron Will is built almost entire for defense and doesn't have any terribly strong attacks and no range to speak of, I expected it might go that way. So I was quite pleasantly surprised and a little perplexed when it took me less than three minutes to wipe out the entire survivor team.


Now, I'd like to take credit for this, but there were a number of factors at work that I had nothing to do with. Most notably, some of the survivors I squared off with were already half dead and on fire from something I didn't see at all. I was on fire too, but that was because one of the players hit me with a fireball; Iron Will has no fire powers to speak of, so why the survivors were on fire too is beyond me. One I beat up until he ran away too fast for me to chase, and then dropped dead from the flames after about fifty feet, and another I knocked across the clearing and simply didn't see again, as they were presumably eaten by the supposedly-weak zombie NPCs while I wasn't looking. Really, there was only one other player that I felt I actually beat, and the rest probably would have fallen to the zombie NPCs whether I'd been there or not.


Now, I hadn't played the zombie apocalypse pvp for a few months, and this was not how it used to go. The zombies I remembered were more of a distraction than a threat, basically just there to keep players from getting automatic out-of-combat healing and occasionally to hold them or interrupt charge attacks if they were being too blatantly ignored. These zombies completely devoured the players, and somehow set them on fire. Very curious. The second time around, I'm one of the survivors. You start in a cozy little woodland cabin surrounded by terrified survivors and a few other superheroes that, along with you, are all that stand between them and a gruesome death. In this case, a cyborg woman and some kinda demon guy. We headed outside to meet the horde.


Outside the cabin is a snowy clearing and several other cabins that look abandoned; possibly, we're standing it what would be the middle of a dirt road if the snow weren't covering everything.


I actually think they did a really good job conveying the general atmosphere of a winter night in the mountains. It's deathly quiet except for the crackle of the burning barrel and the occasional low howl of the wind, and you can't see much beyond the street except for what's silhouetted against the sky. Snow drifts slowly to the ground all around and all the characters (including robots and skeletons and the like, but oh well) breath is visible in understated clouds around their mouths. Very nice, Champions.

There's also an indistinct yellowish dome around the cabin and surrounding area. It's only inside this dome that your time spent alive is counted; if you lived through an entire match but did so by hiding out in the woods at some random corner of the map or hovering a mile over everything, your time at the end of the match will reflect it. There's also a timer with thirty seconds on the clock that starts ticking down whenever nobody's within the circle. If all the players scatter, leaving the cabin full of civilians to fend for itself, they have thirty seconds (non-renewing) to get back or the match ends in victory for the zombies. Similarly, if they spend thirty seconds inaccessible... either by teleporting around or tunneling, or by flight so high that they're out of the dome... the zombies win. A player can still hide or TP around if there's at least one survivor left inside the circle holding down the fort for the team, but this prevents the last surviving character from just drawing the match out forever by staying underground or fleeing. Unfortunately, people often forget about it and will charge into the ranks of the zombies to get their killin' in, and then find that they've lost even though they're still alive and actively fighting the zombies, simply because they've gotten too far from the cabin. Although, considering the justification for the scenario is that we're defending the cabin in the first place, it makes good sense.

Anyway, for a minute or so nothing happens, and there's no sound but the crunch of snow under the feet of the nervous heroes running around in circles outside the cabin. Then, at the edge of the light, we start seeing the outlines of humanoid forms shambling towards us. One or two at first, but more and more as the first ones start to reach the clearing. The undead have arrived! Everyone goes to work; the summoners make their little circles and whip out their turrets and pets, the fliers go to strafe the zombies meandering into the circle, the guys who don't quite get the goal of the game run headlong into the horde to get eaten, and I post up by the door of the cabin and clobber any undead face that approach mine eye.

So far so good. Soon enough some of the bigger ones start filtering in. There are skinny ones that can can grab you with their tongues (WHICH IS A TOTALLY ORIGINAL CONCEPT), big fat ones that can bite you and hold you in place, and tall ogre-looking ones that can spit acid at you. I zero in on one of the big ones and deliver a sharp uppercut to his WHAT THE HELL WHY AM I ON FIRE?!?


I'm not quite sure what's happening. Two of my teammates have already died somewhere and I have suddenly burst into flames. It's not the zombie character; I'd caught them out of the corner of my eye fighting with one of my teammates, and they're definitely a power armor type using lasers and machine guns and the like, no fire powers. So I'm a little perplexed until I notice that the zombies are exploding. Over and over again. Not just one kind, either. Like, all of them.


Apparently since the last time I played the zombie apocalypse scenario somebody at the company decided that giving the survivors a chance at winning the game was stupid, and it was much more entertaining for people to start dying the second the game starts and for the only goal to be outliving the rest of your doomed companions. I'm pretty sure I strongly disagree, if for no other reason than because the premise we're working under is that we're trying to protect the people in the cabin, and making that an impossible scenario is kinda bullshit. As the last of my teammates drops, burning and presumably confused, there's really no reason for me to do anything but hightail it into the woods and let the zombies win by running out the clock, but I can't just abandon all those people in the cabin, I decide. I'm surrounded by the ravenous undead and I'm the only thing standing between a dozen innocent people and a horrible death by supernatural cannibalism. The time for half measures and talk is over. This situation calls for desperate tactics. I don't like it, but once again I'm forced to resort to...


There! That ought to...

... What? NO BALLS?! Damn you, decomposition!

And I fall.

But, I fall last, at almost three whole minutes in, which I guess is the closest you can come to winning this game, now. Pretty disappointing; they were really on to something when they first introduced it.


Alright, that was one of the most unpleasant simulations I think anyone could have concocted, but I suppose it was pretty exciting. Never been a fan of horror movies myself, though, and that seemed to be more or less the holographic simulation equivalent.

Well, it's late, I'm humiliated and borderline traumatized, and even though it wasn't real, I swear I can still smell zombie on my fists. On the plus side, I have a luchador costume that I'm definitely holding on to, so the evening wasn't a complete waste. I wander back to the Bank And Trust and fold my mask and cape into my safety deposit box as surreptitiously as I can. A luchador isn't ever supposed to remove his mask, I think, but then, I'm not a full-time luchador. In fact, I, Iron Will, have never even met El Fierro, that handsome devil. Shhh.

My brief experiment with the Hero Games over, or at least on hold, I walk back out into the Renaissance Center. I swear I'll swing by that park and bother those guys for Defender first thing tomorrow, but first I want to check out the one place on Socrates' tour that I haven't been to yet: this Club Caprice place. It looks... interesting, at least.


I wonder if they'll let me in.


Up Next: A night out on the town, the MIND-BLOWING CONCLUSION!

Out On The Town

When last we left our hero Iron Will, he had found his way back to the miraculously restored metropolis of Millennium City, and was being tasked by the mighty Defender with such vital peacekeeping duties as bothering people in the park.

Well, it looks like I'm probably going to be spending a fair amount of time in this city if I'm going to commit to the whole superhero thing. I figure I might as well; no way are they going to let me onto the football team back in school if I'm eight hundred pounds and made out of metal. It just wouldn't be safe for the other players. And really, Daniel in Geology will probably get a much better grade without me as a lab partner anyway.

So, if this city's going to be my new stomping grounds, I suppose I oughtta look around a bit. I'm sure that the possibly shady characters in the park can wait for a couple hours to get harassed. Commence the walking tour!

Now, I don't trust her as far as I could throw her (and it must be kept in mind for this expression that she's firmly planted in the ground) but I'm hoping that the nearest Socrates terminal has at least a few utilitarian purposes and might have a map of the city or something, so I head back over there, which isn't very far from Defender's little security kiosk. I kind of bow my head and avoid looking over there, hoping that he'll simply mistake me for some other metal-skinned guy. Most places this would not work, but in this town...

I'm both pleasantly surprised and more than a little suspicious when Socrates chimes in that she'd be happy to give me a guided tour.


I'm also a little curious as to how she plans to do this, since her projector is built into the ground, but sure, what the hell. She marks spots on my map to check out, and I wander around the Ren Cen, as she insists residents call it, for a half an hour taking in the sights.

Among them are an UNTIL terminal, which apparently stands for United Nations Tribunal on International Law, and which seems to basically be a fancy needlessly holographic email station. I guess as phone booths are to cell phones, UNTIL terminals are to... modern cell phones. Well, since I don't have one, I suppose it's good to know it's here.

There's the Millennium City Bank And Trust, which boasts safety deposit boxes individually shielded against radiation and arcane energies, where they've already set aside a box for me free of charge! That's actually really cool of them; I'm starting to feel welcome already. It'll be pretty handy to have a spot to leave stuff I don't want to carry around with me. Granted, so far I don't have anything but this weird communicator Socrates is talking to me through which I don't actually remember getting (SUSPICIOUS!) and a pair of torn up jean shorts. Speaking of which, there's also a line of tailors who have set up shop under a big half-circular pavilion right by the center of the... center. They appear to cater to superheroes specifically, judging by the clothing articles they have on display like ninja hoods, spandex bodysuits, and random pieces of robotic looking armor. That's convenient, I suppose, although one wonders why they don't set up clothing stores like everybody else. They seem to be doing good business, though, judging by the crowd.


There's an auction house not far away, where I can apparently buy and sell things that other non-retailers put up to bid. That's kinda cool... I don't have any money stashed away, but I could always sell random stuff that I come across on my various jobs. I bet some collectors would pay a lot for a rare Tulzorgat Fetish, marital aid of the snow demon horde recently expelled from the frozen north. That's gotta be pretty rare. I should have held on to one of those. Oh well, next time.

And last but not least, the Super Jet, which is what I just flew in on. Apparently it's a dedicated jet that's only for dispatching superheroes to crisis zones around the world, maintained by donations from various charitable parties. Now THAT will be handy. Plus, I guess the fact that I rode it here means that I'm already a superhero in the eyes of whatever nonprofit maintains and flies it. Score!

Walking back down from the Super Jet's landing platform, though, I'm distracted by a giant amphitheater with a sign reading Hero Games.


That sounds familiar... didn't someone in Canada think I should join up for those? I wander over and see what they're about.

According to the promoter, it's more or less what I figured, a sort of UFC for metahumans. Well, I figure nothing's been able to hurt me much so far, and I do kind of miss individual sports where I didn't automatically have an overwhelming advantage... sure, I'll try one. Let's see how this goes.

There are two types of Hero Games matches available at a low level, Cage Match and Zombie Apocalypse. For now, we'll be going with Cage Match. Cage Matches are fairly straightforward. Players are divided into two teams, Red and Blue, which you'd think would be auto-balanced but are usually at least somewhat lopsided, and then thrown into a ring with the rather simple goal of assisting everyone on your team and pummeling everybody on the other team. Scoring is based on kills for the entire team, and the first side to 15 wins. This can be done either by beating each of five opposing players three times, or picking on the the little one and killing him fifteen times, up to you.

Now, the problem with cage matches is that, for whatever reason, they seem to be the primary hangout of munchkins. For what seems to be the vast majority of players in cage matches (hereafter referred to as "virgins" out of pure spite), character concept or theme is de-emphasized or ignored outright in favor of the most mathematically effective hodgepodge of powers for preventing the opponent from moving. Many have spent a significant amount of time memorizing the ins and outs of the game mechanics and copying other people's characters off of forums to tweak for maximum lockdown effectiveness. You'll hear a lot of words like "builds", "spike damage", "roots", and "holds", and will likely spend the majority of each match either like this:









Or like this:















The average build for a non-you cage match gamer will be a pile of unrelated defenses, at least two ways to immobilize you, a ranged attack they can charge while you're immobilized that will do a lot of damage really quickly without exposing them to the risk of being hit themselves, and Teleport so they can flee if it looks like you might have a chance to do something. Do not bother trying to inform a Virgin that this is both lame, uncreative, and makes the fight - the winning or losing of which you didn't actually care about because career stats aren't even tallied - no fun whatsoever for half of the people involved. They will not understand.

And that's how it goes.


H... huh? Wha? Last thing I remember my feet were frozen to the ground and some cyborg was shooting me with arrows.

Alright, so that was humiliating. These guys are genuine professional prize fighters, it might have been silly to think that I could just walk in off the street and compete. I just don't have the training, the fans, the look...

... Hmmmmm...

I head back to the tailor in the middle of the center. To my pleasant surprise, they don't ask for money, as apparently superheroic reputation doubles for currency around here. Awesome. So, I'll just need that... and this... and do you have these in my size...?

...

...

... PERFECT.



I am READY. If there's one thing that Pro Wrestling taught me, it's that a star theme at least doubles your chances of victory! ... Besides, the tailor didn't have any creepy green lizard man masks.

Iron Will will no longer be competing in cage matches. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the newcomer EL FIERRO to the ring!

Let's see how they like me now!




...

Up Next: Out On The Town... THE THRILLING SECOND CHAPTER!!!